I have a pretty low tolerance for things that don’t serve me. I don’t know if this is a positive thing or a character flaw, but it’s how I’m choosing to live my life in this chapter of my story. It doesn’t mean I don’t ever serve others but they must earn it and keep earning it.
I believe we are all in charge of our own happiness. That means taking charge of what we allow in our lives and what we don’t and how those things affect us from diet to relationships.
Obviously we are not in control of everything that happens, particularly regarding other people and their personal choices but I think we have more control than we realize for our situations and when our situations are no longer serving us, inspiring us or bringing us happiness we have the right to change or exit those situations.
And obviously I’m speaking on a micro level. Society on a macro level is a shit show right now in America. It doesn’t mean you have no control or should be complacent on a macro level but you have the most control over you and how you react to the world on both a macro and a micro level.
You can be empathetic and not put up with others treating you poorly. You can enjoy a place of service without allowing yourself to be a doormat. You can choose to love those who are loving in return and pull your heart back from those relationships that are harmful.
I had the fortunate experience of hiking to a secluded area off the Pacific coast in Santa Cruz and watching the rhythmic waves of the ocean this week. I haven’t felt such peace and relaxation in years. I was able to let go of my stress and my worries. I sat there for hours with little thought from a brain that is usually in hyper drive at all times. And then I came home. All the stress I left behind was still here, so I’m getting rid of it piece by piece. I’m choosing to be fluid like the ocean and allowing everything that’s dead to be devoured by the bottom feeders or washed ashore for the birds so what is alive can be nourished and thrive.
I also recognize I’m speaking from a place of privilege. I’m an educated, attractive, physically fit, middle class white person and that affords me some things. I’m also Leather, gay and genderfluid (a rather new discovery thanks to those in my inner circle and my psychology of gender class which inspired me to question my gender in the first place). My areas of minority do not wipe out my privilege.
Is this the right way to live? I can’t say because I don’t know. I’m trying to figure out life just like everyone else. I predict I’ll find out either way.